I’ve been keeping these events in my diary. I thought of sharing it with you, my family and friends who support me endlessly. I also took advantage of this day that I feel strong. This is my journey.. (you may also visit my caring bridge site at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahmoral)
June 23, 2011 Had fever, vomiting and back pains. Fell off the stairs because of dizziness.
June 24, 2011 Had my CBC and platelet count taken at St. Therese Hospital near our house because I initially thought I might have Dengue Fever. My hemoglobin was 80 and my WBC was less than 1. My best friend Myra and her husband Jojo immediately came to my house. They told me to seek hematology consult ASAP.
June 25, 2011 I was really not feeling ok and felt so weak, I went to Dr. Trinidad, a young hematologist next to my clinic in MATI (yes, at a very young age and young practice, I have acquired – on loan – a unit in the Medical Arts Tower, maybe one of my achievements that I am so proud of). He did peripheral blood smear and immediately advised me to be admitted. My diseases slowly unfolded. Febrile Neutropenia, Septicemia, Complicated UTI, Pseudomonas and Klebsiella Pneumonia. All because of my immunocompromised state.
July 12, 2011 After weeks of IV antibiotics, I was finally given clearance to get my 1st chemo. It was uneventful.
July 14, 2011 I was sent home. But I still feel so weak. My bedroom is in the 2nd floor of the house. Every time I go up, it was like all my energy were used up. I was depressed. I couldn’t sleep.
July 17, 2011 I couldn’t breathe. I was rushed in the ER. But all my tests were normal. Doctors said that maybe I am just having some sort of anxiety attack and that I just lack sleep. My new haematologist, Dra. Ona, prescribed me with Stilnox. It helped somehow.
July 19, 2011 I received my 2nd chemo as out patient. I was so excited to go out of the house.
July 20, 2011 Was not able to sleep last night. I felt like I was drowning every time I breathe. I also had fever so I texted Dra Saniel, my Infectious Specialist. She asked me to go to her clinic with an x-ray. I was wishing that I am just having another anxiety attack. But when I saw my x-ray I knew that something is terribly wrong with my right lung. My Pulmonologist, Dr. Tamondong decided to request for a Chest CT scan. I still could not breathe. I had massive pneumothorax of my right lung. I had to undergo emergency chest tube insertion to suck out the air. For the second time I asked God, why me? It was difficult for me to have a tube inside my lungs connected to a bottle and a suction machine. I cannot move, I feel the pain all the time. I used to say that I have a high pain tolerance. But I realized that it is not true. Or maybe I just feel so down, everything I feel was all pain.
July 22, 2011 Because of too much pain I was started on IV Fentanyl or PCA (Patient Controlled Anesthesia I guess is the meaning of PCA because I press on a button every time I feel some pain.) Sometimes because I was so scared to feel the pain I press the button as prophylaxis. I was inside the bathroom when it happened..I was sitting on the toilet bowl praying so hard that I will be able to move my bowel effortlessly, because otherwise, my Pneumothorax might progress. My friend, take time to thank God even for the smallest blessing that you can move your bowel everyday. Inside the bathroom is another plastic chair that I use for bathing (before I had the chest tube I can take a shower but I have to be seated because I easily get tired). I was praying with my eyes closed when I had a vision. I could not remember if my eyes were open or were still closed, but I saw Jesus smiling at me. These are the exact words that He told me: “It is already done. You’ve won your battle. Pero hindi magiging madali ang daan. Kapit ka lang.” You may say that I was just high on Fentanyl. But I say I was given that very rare chance to talk to Him and I will forever treasure that moment.
by Sarah Moral
Sunday, August 28, 2011 at 12:20pm